Considering that I have felt spiritually dull at best, it seemed weird to my mind (but certainly not my spirit) to be anticipating the upcoming Easter celebration. Throughout the week, I reviewed the events Jesus went through during the Holy Week as described in the Gospel of Luke - a gospel I don't spend a lot of my time in. And all along, I felt a minute tugging of my heart. I carried this with sensitivity knowing that it wasn't fully expressed, knowing that in due time, I would know what to do with it. This is remarkable to me because patience has never been my greatest virtue and I was completely in peace knowing that the time would come for it.
One of the worship songs we were singing on Sunday was "I am Free" (made modernly famous by the Newsboys) and during that time I felt minute feeling grow into something bigger. A reminder that Christ's sacrifice not only took away and continues to take away my sins, but that this act is an act of love that sets those who believe free. Freedom, not the patriotic kind, has always been difficult for me to grasp in Christianity. Because although we are free, we are also called to be obedient to the new covenant Jesus established. Too often, I find myself caught in that mental trap that makes me believe I am just playing a game mindlessly in order to get to the next place, wherever it is, that I believe will grant me the freedom that I want. First, I thought it was graduating from engineering, then getting married, and now it's waiting until I can graduate again and get a job in a school. Admittedly, this is a horrible way to live. The Resurrected Christ reminds me that I can think freely and my risen Savior, named Jesus, assures me that I can start living freely today, and not in the future.
In terms of manifesting this revelation into actions, I haven't gotten there yet. Currently, I am waiting for the Holy Spirit to lead me and bring me to where I need to be and I'm content with that.